Conversations with My Mother

“Goochie goochie GOO!”

Jude howled, his beak crackled in delight. He rolled around, trying to escape Nettie’s assault. But she was relentless, able to find all of his most ticklish spots. He hooted and tore away. He raced around the old oak tree three times, waving his hands in the air.

Kait watched the scene, slightly confused. The boy’s feet pounded the grass deeper in the dirt. And then he started doing cartwheels. Rolling around in the grass. He stopped, and immediately started to climb up the tree. Farther than any other boy could, able to gouge his way up to the higher branches.

Nettie watched in the fading light. She was at that odd time for a woman. No longer young, but not even close to old. Seasoned in the ways of life, with lines on her face that she had earned. More lines than most women her age.

The woman lay on the grass, her neck craned up. There was a smile on her face, but her eyes never left his form. Her hand was never far away from the bow and quiver laying on the ground. She kept track of him. Mothering him.

Kait crouched a ways away from the scene. She was busy making a fire. Then it would be time to clean the killed rabbits, start thinking about making a real dinner.

Clari-Ann was sleeping nearby. Her ability to fall sleep was matched only by her ability to wake up even angrier. She was going to get one of the watches tonight. No one was brave enough to challenge her.

A crack. Kait was up in a second, blade at her side. A branch tore down from the upper boughs. It crashed against all of its brethren, before landing with a loud thud on the ground.

Kait ran over. “Jude!” She shouted. “Jude!” She looked around, eyes wide. He had fallen, he had cracked his head open. She had failed, she was terrible. He was dead.

“He’s playing,” Nettie said. She pointed upwards.

Jude hung from one of the topmost branches. He looked down, and smiled at the two women. He waved with the bear claw.

That was too much for Kait. “Down! Now!”

Jude looked down, questioning. His brow furrowed. What was she so angry about?

“Now!”

He climbed down. Jude walked up to Kait, and stood at attention. Waiting for an explanation.

Nettie sat up, and looked at Kait. The two gazes bored into Kait, seeking, searching for the truth.

Kait scowled. “Playing stupid. Whirling about, and for what? To fall? To break a leg?”

Jude looked away.

“And if you fall, if you break a leg, guess what we have to do. Put you up on Clari. We get attacked, and suddenly she has to be extra careful because you can’t defend yourself. Everyone has to watch you.”

Jude shivered. He was scared now. Ashamed. Was he really that bad? He had only wanted to play around a bit.

Kait snapped her fingers, bringing him back to attention.

“Go get us some more wood. Then look for water. And pay attention.”

Jude scampered off. Nettie stood up, and looked at Kait. Her daughter ignored her, and returned to the fire.

“Do you think that might have been a bit harsh, Kait?”

“He was being stupid,” Kait said. “And if he gets injured, right now, it could mean a death sentence.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“I was just a kid,” Kait said. “Younger than him. Still had to defend my own right to exist.”

“That was different, you were…”

Kait looked up at her mother. Nettie had stopped, and was unsure where she was going. What was she supposed to say to her daughter? That she was hated, despised for her heritage? That Harsk had compromised in a way that could save both Kait and his Ride?

Nettie cleared her head. “The times are different now. You’re older. And you aren’t with the Ride.”

“Yup,” Kait said. “We don’t even have that protection.”

“Or that target on your back.”

Kait skinned the rabbits in seconds, and then returned to the fire. Picked up her flint and tinderbox. She was going to get this lit. She didn’t have magic, but damn if she couldn’t light her own blaze.

But every time she struck the flint, the sparks went everywhere but her fire pit. Teeth grit, try again. Sparks landed on her pants leg. Damn it.

“You have to keep a steady strike,” Nettie said.

“I know.”

She struck again. Closer, but still they refused to light.

“Come on, Kait. You’re doing it wrong.”

“I’m fine.”

“Just let me…” Kait felt her hands on her arms.

“Get off!”

She struck without thinking, slamming the pieces of flint together. They sparked, and burst apart.

Kait tore out of her mother’s grip. She looked up furious.

“Think I can’t do it? I can handle this. I can handle everything thrown at me!”

“I was just trying to help,” Nettie said.

Kait laughed. A sharp, biting laugh that caused Nettie to look away. “Help? Since when have you ever helped me? When I fought for my life before I was ten? How about when I was Riding at twelve? Or raped as a teenager? Where were you when Harsk killed the first demon I thought might have a soul?”

Nettie shook. Tears ran down her face, but she said nothing.

“Since I could hold a knife, you’ve always kept your distance. And when you took up with that Rider, it just made it clear. I didn’t have a mom. Just a mother.”

“Kait!”

She couldn’t handle any more. Kait tore off into the coming darkness.

This wasn’t fair.

Kait sat in a tree. Blatantly ignoring what she had just told Jude probably ensured that no one would know where to look for her. Even if she was just a few hundred yards away from the now-lit fire. That, and the night made sure she could stew in her rage in silence.

How dare she. How did she even dare to try and pretend? Kait had always had to survive on her own. It was the only way she could. Her fellow Riders always picked on her when she was young, and resented the Demonborn as she grew to outstrip their ranking in the herd.

Kait had learned to deal with the abuse. The slaps that were just too hard to be friendly. Accidentally misplacing her pack. And every coin she ever made was communal property. Kait had learned quick to start keeping secret pockets if she ever wanted something for herself.

That was how she started to live. Rely on herself, support the Riders, and trust Harsk. Clari-Ann would take care of the rest.

And Nettie was just…there. Kait closed her eyes, and tried to think. She loved her mother, in a way. She was there. Had cared for her as a baby. Had stuck around the Ride, though that might have been for Harsk.

Thankful to her for letting her live…

That was it. Kait nodded, and sank deeper into herself. That was why she was never a mom.

Nettie never seemed to want her.

She had kept her daughter, true. Even when everyone wanted her to get rid of Kait. Abandon the child, kill her. Do anything to remove that stain. Nettie had never done that. But after a while, she had never done anything else.

Kait looked over to the fire. Nettie had lit it, of course. She was capable, and had even cooked up the dinner. The perfect little mother.

Jude was eating now, content. Nettie had fed him, and was setting up a makeshift lean-to. Kait remembered those. Soon she would be tucking him into his bedding. Filling his ears with tales of the proud Texans. Of forest elves defending their homes. Old gods wandering alongside trickster spirits. Of a time when dragons flew.

That was one memory that Kait clung to. No matter how old she got, she would never forget her mother’s voice filling her head with stories.

Kait munched on her own dinner. A few roots vegetables, some edible plants she had discovered while she sulked. And a few precious drops of water. While there was perfectly good dinner if she just stopped acting like such an idiot.

Never. She had her pride, and her reasons. She would come when she was good and ready, and not a minute before.

A hoof stamped against the tree. Kait looked down, and stared. Clari-Ann stood at the foot of the tree, looking balefully up at Kait.

The girl folded her arms. “I’m not going yet.”

No. She was not being the bigger girl. Nettie had to learn why she was angry. And if she did, then she needed to help fix it.

The gob-horse stamped her foot against the tree again.

“No.”

Clari-Ann snorted, and trotted back towards the fire. Well, there. Kait had won an argument with the horse. That was something at least.

She stopped when she was twenty feet away. Spun around, and took off at a full-speed sprint at the tree.

“Clari, no. No, don’t you dare…”

The horse slammed her shoulder into the trunk. Kait’s legs instinctively locked around the branch, and she swung upside down at the force of the hit. The tree shuddered, and buckled on one side under the thick bulk.

Clari-Ann spun away, dazed. Her right leg threatened to give away. The horse stood up on her rear legs, and shook out her front legs. When that didn’t work, she knelt down, and rolled onto one side, giving her legs a rest.

Kait pulled herself back up the tree. Stupid, Clari-Ann. The tree was not just another fence or monster. She could seriously injure herself. And then where would the three of them be? With a new horse, and that’s it.

Clari-Ann whuffed, and struggled back to her feet. She fixed a hard glare at Kait, and turned around to try again.

“No!” Kait hissed. She was down in an instant. She held her hands up in surrender. “Stop it, you dumb brute. I’m done, I promise.”

Kait walked up towards the fire. She stopped only to take a jab at Clari’s uninjured shoulder. Ow, that was solid muscle and gristle, under a thick layer of grime. Kait made a mental note to find a way to trick the horse into another river as she wiped her hands in the dirt. It was time for a bath.

Still, Clari-Ann was probably right. Time to suck it up and start talking.

Nettie was sitting by the side of the fire. Her face was a beacon in the darkness, and Kait was once again struck by how pretty her mother was. In her mid-thirties, if Nettie had wanted it, she could probably settle down anywhere she would want. Find a good husband, or a rich one, and live in whatever type of comfort she could want.

Just because she left Rashid’s place, didn’t mean there weren’t options. Look for another farm. Maybe strike out for a bigger city. Put all of this behind her.

Instead, she was here. Looking ahead to the bundle of blankets that Jude was snuggled under. One hand always near the bow. The protective mother, ready for just the slightest bit of danger.

Was she like that when Kait had slept? Would she ever really know?

Nettie was up in an instant. Bow drawn, arrow nocked and ready. “You come out now,” she called out.

Kait looked around, confused. Who was Nettie talking to?

Nettie loosed the bowstring. It twanged, and the arrow thudded into a tree thirty yards away.

“That was three inches from your hand,” Nettie said. “I can see you, plain as day. Come on out, or leave now. Your choice.”

A man coughed, and stepped out. Kait hissed, and moved silently into the darkness. She took a step behind a tree, and looked back out.

Gerd. That racist human from Texas. What was he doing out of the State? It wasn’t too hard to figure out. He had promised that he would go looking for her. But Kait had thought that just another idle threat from a man with hurt feelings.

The man raised his hands, smiling. “Another strong woman. Sorry. Saw the fire, and didn’t know if you were friendly.”

“Remains to be seen,” Nettie said. “Why don’t you come a bit closer.”

Gerd came out into the firelight. He was…different. Back on top of the wall he had looked gruff, grizzled. Clothes were a mess, blood-stained. He wanted everyone to know he was the biggest, baddest person out there.

Now, the blood was gone. The clothes were still ragged, but almost too perfectly so. He looked like he didn’t need a handout, but wasn’t wealthy by any means. Like he belonged with anyone.

He wanted something.

“Mind if I grab a seat?” Gerd asked.

Nettie motioned to the other side of the fire. He grinned, and sat. “Always good to grab a spot of…”

He trailed off. Nettie remained standing, and had drawn another arrow from her quiver. She set it on the string.

“Heat.”

Nettie smiled. “Too true, too true. Got a name?”

“Um, Gerd.” Gerd was having trouble forming a thought. Having a weapon ready and waiting to fire will do that to anyone.

“Gerd,” Nettie said. “What brings you out here at this time of night?”

“Looking for someone,” Gerd said. “Chasing down some rumors, and when I saw that there was someone else out here, I knew I had to check and make sure they were okay.”

Nettie paused, and lowered the bow. “Okay?”

Gerd reached into his pocket. Slowly, so as not to startle Nettie. He pulled out a badge, and laid it on the table. “I’m from Texas, out on a job. Looking for someone called Kait Demonborn. Ever heard of her?”

Nettie frowned. “Demonborn? Why does that name…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “Why am I remembering that name?”

“You might know her as one of Harsk’s Riders.”

Nettie snapped her fingers. “That’s it! The…well, the strange one. And for Riders, that’s saying something.”

“Too true.”

Nettie crouched on the ground. “So what are you looking for a demon Rider for? She owe you money?”

“A lot more than that,” Gerd winced, and turned away. He coughed, and wiped a tear away. “You see, this Rider has gone rogue. And I’m trying to get her before she kills again.”

Nettie’s eyes widened. “Killed? Who’d she kill?”

“I can’t even begin to guess,” Gerd said. “She’s cut a swathe through the west. Burned down a tavern, tore apart a temple. And what she did to the city of Whitebrush.” He bit his lip, snarling. “What she did there was inhuman.”

Gerd looked up. “Tore apart their very souls, woman. The town’s rescuers couldn’t even find their bodies to bury. Just a few bodies she didn’t bother to crush to dust.”

Kait tuned out the rest of the description. Whitebrush was still too close, too real. She could barely block out the memory in her nightmares. She didn’t need to revisit it now.

Nettie put a mouth to her face.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb you,” Gerd said.

“No. No. It’s all right.” Nettie said. “So they hired you to track her down?”

“No.” Gerd tapped the badge. “This is from Texas, for crimes against Texans. Demonborn visited the town of Redshot. Took advantage of our hospitality. Came up to our walls saying that she was from Harsk, and that she needed to speak with our sheriff.”

Gerd shook his head. “We believed her. You make it to the town, you deserve a chance. That’s Texan law. But she turned that around, twisted it. Used it to destroy.”

He fought back tears. “She met with our old sheriff. Sheriff Tweety. And that demon bitch tore her apart.”

Nettie gasped. “No!” She shouted. “Not Tweety!”

Kait stepped forward. She was going to kill him. If he wanted her to rip someone apart, she was more than willing to oblige.

Nettie sat down, crying. “Why? Why would you want to kill Tweety?”

“She couldn’t help it,” Gerd said. “It’s in her nature.”

The idiot couldn’t even tell that he was found out.

“So why did you do it?” Nettie asked.

Gerd frowned. “Kait killed…”

“Kait wouldn’t hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it.” Nettie looked at him. “Which means she probably left you nursing something injured. What did she do, shoot you in the shoulder?”

“You know Demonborn…”

“Know her?” Nettie said. “I’m her mother.”

Gerd started to move. The arrow moved up, pointed straight at his throat.

“I don’t know whether you killed Tweety. I doubt someone pathetic enough to run out of Texas for injured pride had the backbone to take her on. But you’re here for my daughter, and are spreading some lies to hurt her.”

Nettie’s eyes narrowed. “Tell me why I’m not already filling your lying mouth with an arrow or three.”

Gerd raised his hands. His eyes flashed in anger. “Demon whore. Kait is a marked demon. Her life is over. And when we finally wring the life from her flesh, we’re coming back to destroy all who helped her pollute the world.”

Nettie kicked at the fire. Sparks flew, and a burning log sailed towards Gerd. He dove to one side, reaching for his knife behind his back. Nettie let loose an arrow. It flew true, sticking Gerd’s hand to the ground.

The Texan screamed, holding his hand. He rolled around on the ground, clutching at the hand. He wouldn’t pull it out, but just kept screaming.

Nettie walked over. She dropped the bow and picked up a partially burned log. In two movements, she had pulled the arrow out, and put the burning embers on the wound. Gerd howled as the wound cauterized.

“Oh, quit your bitching,” Nettie muttered darkly. “Harsk would call that a love tap to his Riders if they whined to him about it.”

He raised his free hand. Nettie was faster, laying the bloodied arrow against his cheek.

“Give me one more reason,” Nettie said. “One more reason.”

Gerd stopped, finally seeing reason.

“I’d kill you now. But there’s a young kid that is just trying to get some sleep, and he’s had a trying day. Helping me find a place to dump your sorry carcass would probably scar him for life.”

Nettie leaned close, and let the burning log glint in her eyes.

“So leave. Now.”

Gerd tore back out into the darkness.

Kait looked at the departing man. She felt an urge to chase after him. Climb on Clari-Ann, or even Al Hettal, and run him down. End it now. Dump his body in a ditch and forget that piece of filth had ever existed.

“You’re not going out there,” Nettie said.

Kait looked up. Nettie stared back at her, her eyes piercing the darkness.

“Come sit with your mother.”

Kait stole one last glance back before turning to the fire. She trudged in, Clari-Ann limping behind her.

Nettie looked at the gob-horse, concern on her face. “The heck happened to you?” she asked.

“Clari-Ann had a disagreement and it involved a tree,” Kait said. “She lost.”

Clari stamped on Kait’s foot. “It was a draw,” Kait conceded.

Nettie nodded. She pulled on a pair of thick leather gloves. Dug around the fire, and pulled out a cast-iron pot. Nettie pulled off the lid, and the thick smell of rabbit stew filled the air.

Kait’s mouth watered. Her mother’s cooking had been the best in the Ride. No one missed one of her meals. And that was without missing a meal.

Her daughter’s stomach growled, and she reached for the pot.

“Don’t you dare reach for this without a proper bowl and utensils,” Nettie warned. Kait scowled, and rummaged through her saddle bags. She pulled out a wooden bowl and spoon. She held it out eagerly.

Nettie sighed, took the spoon, and started to ladle stew in. “Honestly, living around Riders. A please, a thank you. Even Harsk had trouble with that.”

Kait was too busy eating to answer beyond a groan of satisfaction. Nettie set the pot back in the fire, and covered it up. Kait would be going back for seconds, maybe even thirds. As many times as it took to finish off the stew.

Her mother sat on the ground, and looked at her daughter. Watched her finish the bowl, and take that second bowl. After that was finished, Kait Demonborn set her own bowl down, and looked at Nettie.

“What?”

Nettie shrugged. “You seem well.”

Kait nodded. “I’m getting by.”

“Despite…” Nettie waved her hand. “Everything?”

“Yeah.”

They sat there in silence.

There comes an age in a relationship where the length of time spent apart creates a barrier that looms like cold steel. There is too much that could be said, that to open one part would seem insignificant part of life.

Nettie had revealed everything back in town. But true to form, Kait had kept everything to herself. She didn’t know what to say, or even if she wanted to do anything.

A clang startled the both of them. Clari-Ann grunted, and stuck her nose into the pot. She smelled radishes in there, she knew it. The horse slurped and munched, ignoring the rabbit as an unfortunate consequence.

The fact that her hoof was currently on top of a burning ember didn’t seem to bother her. Food, food was what mattered.

Burnt radish. That was the good spot.

Kait snickered. And that was it. Nettie burst out laughing, and rolled on the ground. Kait joined in, howling.

“Whusshuh?” Jude blinked his eyes open, looking up from his bedding.

Kait shook her hand. “Go back to sleep, Jude.”

Nettie nodded. She couldn’t speak, could barely breathe.

Jude’s brow furrowed. He looked at one woman, and then the other. After a moment, he shrugged and rolled back off to sleep.

With one last slurp and a contented burp, Clari-Ann finished off the stew. She kicked the pot out of the fire, and wandered off to find some sleep.

Nettie sighed, and wiped a tear from her eye. The two women chuckled, looking at each other.

Nettie shook her head, and looked at Kait.

“Kait…daughter. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Kait nodded, and took a deep breath. This was going to be a hard one.

“So I left Harsk after he murdered a demon who was trying to reform himself. I travelled around until a prophet came and spouted a prophecy at me before turning into that crystal over there. Found out dad’s name in a temple to a Three-Faced God that I don’t know exist. Clari killed someone I think you knew from recruitment day. We’ve been on the run from dad’s demons, which became harder when I found out that there are thirteen Demon Lords bent on world domination. I can’t show my face anywhere decent, because an entire town ran into a Waste and their deaths rather than look at me.”

Kait looked into the fire. “Now I am chasing the word of a wishing well to the Lost City of Sin to find a Demon Lord, with a poor kid who has no clue what happened to him but he keeps changing. Oh, and I might be the destined ruler of the Pit.”

Nettie paused. And stared. And tried to process everything. After a long minute, she looked at the crystal statue.

“That’s a real girl?”

Kait held her head in her hands. “Something is going on, mom. Demons are making moves, and they’re organized. Or some of them, or just a couple, I don’t know. And the world does not seem to care. It might be all about me, or nothing. I have no information, and now Jude needs taking care of. But I need to find a way to help Lila get out of the crystal, and I don’t want to go back to Harsk with any of this.”

She looked up at her mother. “Does that make any sort of sense?”

Nettie nodded. She walked over, and gave her daughter a hug. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this all alone.”

Clari-Ann snorted.

“Mostly alone.” Nettie held Kait. “It must have felt like the world was on your shoulders, and just pressed down.”

Kait nodded. Tears ran down her face, and she clutched close. She didn’t know why. She hadn’t held Nettie like this in…maybe over a decade. But there she was, holding her mom close.

“I don’t know what to do,” Kait whispered.

“You take it one day at a time,” Nettie said. “And you talk to people you love and trust.”

“Don’t have too many.”

Nettie smiled. “Keep talking with Clari-Ann, and as Jude figures out his new gifts, talk to him.” She winked. “You’d be amazed what children can handle.”

Kait frowned, and pulled away. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

Nettie smiled. “I always was going to join Harsk up around the Lakes. Was just building up my nerve. But being able to talk with you, that was worth every treasure.”

“But…I still don’t know what to do!” Kait said. “What about the prophecy, and Jude, and the Demon Lords…”

“I don’t know.”

Kait trailed off.

Nettie held up her hands. “Kait, you’re smarter than your mom at this. I don’t know the right answer to this. And I can’t give you bad advice. I won’t do it.”

Kait’s shoulders sagged.

“You are going to find the answers. Better ones than I could ever imagine. Because you are a warrior. You will look at the raging armies of the Pit, and beat them back down.

“But more importantly.” Nettie lifted up Kait’s face. “Because you are a good woman. You will beat all of this. No matter what the fools say, you are my daughter. And you are good.”

Kait felt like crying again.

Nettie smiled. “Go to sleep, honey. Clari and I will get the watches.”

In the morning Nettie was gone. Kait and Jude woke to a cooked breakfast, a note explaining that she was on her way to Harsk, and her love.

Kait understood. If Nettie had stayed to say goodbye, she never would have left.

Jude wandered out, and began to eat. Kait sat beside him, and took a bite herself.

“You like my mom?”

Nod.

“Yeah. Me too, I guess.”

If you want to read more of our short stories, poetry, see behind-the-scenes work, or support everything that Arcane Inkdustries is doing, click the link and sign up to be a Patreon supporter now.

Thank you for reading. I hope that this sparked a piece of magic for you this week.

Until next time.

Blessings,

Jack Holder

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